eaemilia: (bw lily)
[personal profile] eaemilia
Title: Loop de Loop
Prompt: She's always the one who dies, sound of silence
Bonus? Y
Word Count: 329
Rating: T
Original/Fandom: original
Pairings (if any) James/narrator
Warnings (Non-Con/Dub-Con etc): none
Summary: Over and over again she lives this life, and each time it just gets worse.

The sight of my dorm ceiling makes me want to vomit. I should be dead; I should be dead a hundred times over. Sliding out of my bed is mechanical, like everything else is now.

Dying does that to you, especially when you have died more times than you can count and you just keep getting reborn over and over again to fight a pointless fight. Without a doubt, every time I died. There had never been a time when I had survived that final battle with James and the others. Sometimes I didn’t even make it that far.

The motions that I go through, the getting out of bed, getting dressed, getting food, are fluid, and the faces that I see around me as I leave my dorm fill me with a certain kind of hatred.

The vague anonymous faces upset me, but they are nothing compared to the faces of my friends. It is unfair, maybe, to blame them for my life’s hardships, but it is so hard when I’m the only one suffering with the knowledge that every time we fail, everything is reset and we have to start over.

It’s the worst with James, my boyfriend and savior of the world. Because I know that everything comes back to him, and because of him, I’m stuck in this never ending loop. Every time we start over, it gets worse, my hatred towards him, and the smile that I adored only makes me sick, and the warm laughter that once existed between us has fallen aside in favor of icy silence so loud that my ears hurt, and every time I’m near him my skin crawls.

Even though I know what awaits me as soon as walk into the dining hall, I can’t hold back the grimace that crosses my face as soon as I see James, and when he touches my arm it burns.

And I just pray for the day when this all ends.

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May 2013

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